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Country star Zach Bryan is two months sober following a series of “earth-shattering panic attacks” amid his mental health struggles.
On Tuesday, the singer took to social media to open up about his relationship with alcohol and explained how he came to the decision to stop drinking altogether.
“Recently, I went on a motorcycle trip across the country,” Bryan wrote in a lengthy Instagram post. “For 20 days, I camped and rode looking for a solution. At the end of this ride, I was sitting in a parking lot in Seattle, Washington thinking, ‘I really need some f—ing help.'”
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“Being in the military for a decade and then thrown into a spotlight that I hadn’t fully comprehended the scope of, had some subconscious effects on me as a person,” he continued. “I was not content but I also feared showing weakness because that’s not who I am or how I was raised. To charge forward and to never settle was the motto.”
Bryan said he quickly found himself “stuck” in a downward spiral.
“I was stuck in a perpetual discontent that led me to always reaching for alcohol, not for the taste, but because there was a consistent black hole in me always needing its void filled,” he said.
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“I had been lied about and doxxed on the internet, I was helping a close friend through a severe mental break, one of my other best friends was put into a coma by a motorcycle accident, and I was touring the country playing five, sometimes six nights a week,” he continued.
“I was having earth-shattering panic attacks,” he added. “The anxiety I felt was paralyzing and I thought since I was successful, had the money I always longed for, and had great friends, that I could tough anything out.”
Bryan said he sought help from a therapist and made the “conscious decision to do something about my toxic relationship with booze and how I cope with major life changes.”
“I haven’t touched alcohol for nearly two months now — something I had to do for my own personal clarity,” he said. “I needed to see the world objectively. My family supported every step I took. Conversations about the future, kids one day, my health and [girlfriend] Sammy’s happiness made me prioritize not only myself, but my entire family.”
“I feel great, I feel content, I feel whole,”the singer continued. “There is nothing I need to get me by anymore. If you or any of your friends are too tough, too scared or too stubborn to reach out, know that the most stubborn dumba– on the planet did and didn’t regret it.”
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“I don’t believe in absolutes,” he concluded his post. “One day maybe, I’ll learn to control my habits, but for now; I just want to say it is okay to be weak at times and need help. God speed everyone! I pray this helps somebody.”
In the caption of the post, Bryan said he hopes his vulnerability can help others who are dealing with mental health struggles.
“In no way is this a greater than thou sentiment and I’m aware I am one of the luckiest men alive. I pray people don’t take this as me taking my blessings for granted,” he wrote.
“I wanted to share this because I feel like a lot of people go through mental struggles at times and feel alone in them, which leads plenty to suffer in silence,” he continued.
“I hope it helps someone struggling to find words when they’re down on their luck,” he concluded.
Bryan has had his share of controversies, including arrests, emotional abuse allegations from his ex Brianna “Chickenfry” LaPaglia, public feuds with various artists and more.
Most recently, Bryan’s condemnation of ICE raids led to public scrutiny. He later responded to the backlash on social media.
“The last few months of my life I’ve been scrutinized by more people than I ever thought possible,” he wrote. “I feel like I’ve tried my hardest in so many ways and it’s so hard to see where my bearings even are anymore. Been falling off a cliff while trying to grow wings at the same time.”
“I am SO proud to have served in a country where we can all speak freely and converse amongst each other without getting doxxed or accosted on the internet or worse; the violence and heartbreak we’ve faced in the last few months!” he added. “God speed ol sons I’m out!”
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